Not Okay
by Supernova95
Summary: Tim's had his life turned upside down again and everyone expects him to be fine... but he's not okay... not really, why can't anyone else see that?


**So the Timmy angst candle was burning brightly this week I hope you like :)**

**(The parts in italic are random segments from the first four Red Robin comics... I do not own them :( )**

**Disclaimer: Shock horror... surprisingly I don't own Batman **

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He turns to look at the Gotham City limits. Closing his eyes he tries to remember a reason to stay.

"_My entire life has burned down again" _

"_You'll be okay…" _

Will he? If this was anyone else someone would have noticed, someone would have realised that no; he's not okay. That it's not okay when your life is ripped out from under you **again**. That when your mom dies, then your dad dies, then your ex-girlfriend who you still care for deeply dies, then your best friend in the whole **universe** dies, then your other best friend is somehow aged and takes on the family mantle gets beaten to death… and just when you think you're dealing with it, that you're coping… that now you've found a family that loves you; who understands you; who will never turn their backs on you… now you can loosen up, let people in that little bit more because with all the universe has thrown at you; life can't get any worse. Can it?

The universe has made it its personal mission to prove him wrong.

Because then the man who you have followed since you were three; the man whose identity you figured out when you were nine, the man whom you saved from himself because he's important to Gotham, to the world… to you. That man, your partner, your mentor… your **father. **Because he dies too.

But he'll be okay. Because he's done this all before. He's picked himself up, brushed the death off him and carried on living. Because he hasn't locked himself in his room and cried for hours; cried so much that he throws up. Because he isn't good at putting on a mask and pretending that he's fine. Because it's not easy to use those words to fool anyone. Because lying isn't second nature to him, because he didn't lie to his dad for years.

No, because he'll be okay. Because he's Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne… Tim… Timmy… Everyone else's rock. The strong one. The one everyone else leans on… relies on, trusts to be strong for them so they don't have to. The one they look to to have a cool head in any situation, to be like Batman and have contingency plans for his contingency plans.

He isn't the type of person who could fall off the deep end at any moment… who could snap and take over the world… who would go crazy and start killing people. No he isn't that type of person… so he'll be fine.

But he isn't. He isn't fine, he's nowhere near fine… and maybe he should go of the deep end… maybe he should take over the world (because he can- contingency plans and whatnot)… maybe he should go crazy, let the grief consume him, start killing people; because then maybe someone would notice that he isn't fine. Maybe someone would notice him; would care enough to be strong for him.

To talk him out of his moods where he wants nothing more than to just die… to pull him back off the ledge, to un-cock the gun pressed to his temple, to stop him from visiting Jason and stop him berating him because he hopes that he'll finally end it... permanently, to remove all sharp instruments from his reach because they're worried he'll use them. Because he's come close, really close; written the note close. Until he remembers that there are still people in the world that care about him; that need him; that would miss **him**. And he couldn't do that to them, he couldn't put them through what he feels day by day… because it's too painful. He doesn't want living to become painful to them… he doesn't wish that upon anyone… even Jason.

But who cares about him now?… if he were to jump and forget to grapple who would miss him? Alfred probably would, but he's too busy to notice him what with Dick and Damian running around the house. Damian wouldn't; he's made that perfectly clear… he could shoot himself in the head right in front of him and the only emotion Damian would feel would be disappointment because he didn't give Damian the 'pleasure' of doing it himself. Dick…? Dick doesn't care about him anymore… doesn't think he's worthy of worry… doesn't think he's as screwed up as the Demon Brat… doesn't think he deserves to wear the uniform any more… doesn't deserve to be Robin.

"_I still need you…"_

"_For what?"_

Exactly… they don't **need **him anymore. Batman has a Robin… Gotham has a Dynamic Duo. He just isn't needed to be a part of it. He always knew this wasn't going to be permanent… he would do his stint as Robin, get Batman back on track and then he would go back to his family… but now he has no family to go back to. Now he has nothing. He is nothing. And everyone could see that apart from him… that's why they don't believe him… that's why they threw him away at the earliest opportunity. Because he is nothing. Nobody listens to a nothing.

"_I know how you feel Tim" "I want that to be true" "This time is **different**" "There's someone I want you to talk to a therapist in Metropolis"_

"…_all I could think about was **me**… I didn't even think to ask if **you** were okay." "He's gone, Tim. You have to let him go" "We can get you help"_

He doesn't want 'help'. He wants **their** help in finding his father. He wants his friends and family to trust him again. To see him again. He wants them to believe him when he says that he's not okay... That he hasn't been okay for a while; but that that isn't clouding his judgement... especially not on this. He wants them to remember that he's the kid that figured out Batman and Robin's identities when he was nine... because he's still that kid; more or less. He wants to be Robin, because Robin was his glue, Robin held him together when people died... gave him a purpose to keep living, to keep fighting. But that's not going to help now because Robin was unceremoniously ripped away from him like the rest of his life.

_"He's gone, Tim. You have to let him go" _

No. No he doesn't because he's not gone. Bruce is **alive** and he has proof, and nobody will listen to him, so he won't listen to them... see how they like it. Cut himself off completely because he's good at that. Go find Bruce... Bring him back and then they'd see that he's not crazy... he's just not okay.

And maybe if Bruce comes back he'll be needed again... wanted again.

Maybe Dick would want to be his brother again. Because brother's don't think each other crazy... they believe each other; even when it seems impossible... they trust each other.

But Dick doesn't trust him and at the moment he doesn't trust Dick either... but that's okay because when he gets Bruce back Dick will see that he's not crazy... will finally believe him... will finally trust him... And they'll be brother's again.

When Bruce gets back they'll be a family again.

And he'll be okay.

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**Thanks for reading please review :)**


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